1/1/07

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

I had a really bad time last night. Was alone in my room typing out an email to my dad in East Timor.

Really cried out to God. Smtimes I think the devil's stupid. He's always trying ways and means to get us to turn our backs to God, to backslide....I guess thats his job but by doing that, it'll only drive me to pray more and more. Yeah, guess it works on some ppl but I have confidence (and faith in God!) that it wont happen to me.

After praying, I felt a little bit better, and went on to read the Bible, looking for verses that will perhaps speak to me. But I didnt get a rhema, although I was comforted by the victories of Jephthah, Samson. Yeah, I'm currently at Judges. Haha.

If these ppl can get up after setbacks and mockery and more than their ego destroyed, how much more can I stand up again?

I'm working full day again today. I'm not looking forward to it but I know somehow it'll be good in the end.

WAITING FOR BREAKTHOUGH...in workplace, in finance and in cg...AJA! God and I form the majority. We can do it.

30/12/06

// feeling :: sick
// prayer for :: tmr's svc!

Tmr is the last day of Year 2006! Feels sad. I want to start 2007 good! I duno how la, but I will. Hahaa. BREAKTHROUGH!

Jiacheng gave me a small bear for Christmas! Lol. Zhiyang gave me...a black watch!! Smth that I've always always always wanted to buy! Wow hahaa. I love it. Its so beautiful.

We went for a cg thanksgiving session first, at Changi Airport. Everyone of us won a special "grammy award". It was self made by Catherine. We had categories like Joseph and Ruth...I won the Job one. Lol! I really didnt expect that one.

After she gave the cards to the winners, she explained her reason for the choice. In the explanation for mine, she talked about how I once told her my spiritual life was a bed of roses. She observed things about my life that I myself didnt even notice.

I did not fully agree with the label of Job for myself, because I wasn't that attacked by the devil. At the coming of Mike Connell, God gave me a rhema that eliminated every doubt I had about His genuinty of caring for us.

No matter what the devil attack us with, God will always turn things around and somehow, some way, we'll end up closer to Him.

I loved this. He gave me this sentence at the first time I knelt before God in church during the manifestation service. I was crying for my sister, that she had to go thru such a trauma at her age. I felt that God was unfair.

I had a nasty thought. I thought that God had purposely made her go thru such a situation, and He can manipulate that to bring her closer to Him. Belle was hugging my shoulders and praying in tongues for me. It was then that it struck me.

Since that day, I never again allowed myself to fall for such "traps". It was because of the precious rhema from God that I never let myself dwell on setbacks and allow failures to pull me away from God. I always looked forward to how God will turn it into a situation when it will benefit me.

Because of this, I rarely let trivial stuff affect my perception of God. I learnt to love God more and move closer to Him. Thats why....It may seem as though I havent lost anyth to other ppl out there. Oh, I have lost many things since my verbal confession that my spiritual life was sunny. But God seemed to bless me with so much more! That I think that I havent lost anything at all!

But as I think about it, yea its somewhat similiar to that of Job. Just that I hope devil wont tempt me to stray from God as badly as he did to Job =/ but God wont allow a temptation that I cannot overcome!

The second half of 2006 was fantastic for me because God had His hand in it!

I thanked God so much in svc today. No words and no amount of thank yous could suffice for what He gave me. I looked at Jiacheng and Zhiyang in svc today. They were happy and they jumped during praise and lifted their hands in worship. God gave me such a wonderful family. Church really is my home.

Since the day I gave my life to Jesus and devoted myself to serve W271, I've been seeing breakthrough after breakthrough. Especially in family. I shared tt during one of the cg outings at East Coast. Catherine n Alvin gave me a chance to share to everyone.

The first day I stepped into City Harvest, the first song they sang was Destiny. Up till now, I love it.

30/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

I couldn't resist sharing this.


A Cleansed Past: The Room

Author: Joshua Harris
Extracted from: I Kissed Dating Goodbye

In a place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files.

They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked". I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then, without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiousity, couples with horrow, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought jot and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so "intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to the one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed".

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: "Books I Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have Yelled At My Brothers". Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents", "Things I Have Done Out Of Anger". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed the truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To", I realised that the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were tightly packed, and yet after two or three yards, I hadnt found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much of the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts", I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the gile out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

Suddenly I felt an utmost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the files out. Its size didnt matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I couldnt not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared The Gospel With". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of tile shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him..Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldnt bear to watch His response. And in moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didnt anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again. He walked over and put His hand around me. He could have said so many things. But He didnt say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no", as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldnt be on these cards. But there is was, written in red, so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I dont think I'll ever understand how He did he so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He places His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on his door. There were still cards to be written.

28/12/06

// feeling :: starved
// prayer for :: S1

When I was showering, I thought of my poly choices. I wondered if I was even able to get into a poly. Then my thoughts wandered until it stopped at one of my badminton training sessions a few years ago.

The coach was drilling us in lobbing or smth. What caught my attention was that he didnt look at how I returned the ball, or rather the shuttlecock, in this case. He looked at how I moved my feet.

It got me thinking, and I associated it with, well, life. Its not the return of the "shuttle" that counts, but the process to get there.

In the context of badminton, some people take 3 steps by running there, while some take merely 2 steps, by using a wider side-step.

What God looks at isnt whether we hit a good or bad return. Its how we get there.

Do we take shortcuts in order to get there as fast as possible, not caring how we do it, like in badminton?

Some of us want to do things as fast as possible, thinking that as long as others dont catch me its alright. In badminton, my coach always looks at how we move our bodies, and not how we return the ball.

Same as God....He looks at our method of getting what we want. So what if we reach our goals, and our way of getting there was horrible, maybe hurting other ppl on the way?

We gotta keep in mind that there're other people on the "court" with us. More often than not, we play doubles, not singles. We have to think about the other ppl ard me.

Bottomline is: God looks at how we get there, not whether we get there or not.


What Catherine asked me 2 days ago kept ringing in my head:

Do you want to serve God?

The answer is:
YES!

26/12/06

// feeling :: EXCITED
// prayer for :: smth private hahaha

I just got off the phone with Catherine. I was upset about something she had said earlier and I wanted to be frank with her. But all I can say about the conversation was:

WOW!

She told me many things and she even shared a parable from the Bible which I will later share.

I'm going through a very normal but difficult phase of my life, and I was also irritable about it. I let her know how I felt really frankly.

She told me to trust in God all the way, and to be willing to be properly discipled. And also to put aside this period for God ONLY.


This is the parable she shared:

Parable of the Ten Bridesmaids

Summary:
Ten bridesmaids were waiting for their bridegroom to come and take them home. They were so excited they couldn't sleep the night before, and got dressed for the occasion at dawn. They were also told that he would come anytime and to bring along their oil lamps in case he only came at night.

So they did as they were told. However, 5 of them got tired after all the waiting, and got sleepy. After awhile, the other 5 diligent bridesmaids realised that the oil of the lamp were running low. So they went to buy more oil.

The 5 lazy ones refused to go, wanting to stay and sleep.

Finally the bridegroom arrived. The 5 sleeping bridesmaids awoke, and realise that there was no more oil in the lamp. The light went out. The other 5 lifted the lamps to their faces, showing the bridesgroom how excited and beautiful they were.

Since it was dark, the groom only saw the 5 with the lamps, and took them home.

--Matthew 25:1-13


So basically we are all the bridesmaids, and Jesus is our bridegroom. We can either be among the diligent 5, or the lazy 5. We dont know when our calling will come, but if we dont prepare ourselves for it, we will miss it completely.

I was wow-ed when she shared this. I felt all loneliness being sapped away.

She also told me that if God can take care of my salvation and my spiritual growth, He will also take care of my emotional needs. And I can add that it includes my physical needs (money) :)

But after that talk, I really need to prioritize my focuses. Right now, God is all I will think about serving. God is all I will think about loving with all my heart. And of course my beloved cell group too.

Catherine's so anointed. I want to be like her! And not be like a small kid always running to her for advice and "counselling".

But. I've just realised that...physical age doesnt determine our spiritual age. All I care about is spiritual age actually. I thought becoming 18 will make me more mature. But in spiritual sense, I'm only 6 mths and 9 days old. Hardly a toddler yet!

But she told me that its not the period of time I'm in church that determines my spiritual health. Its my willingness to learn and be discipled that counts.

I've got SO MUCH to be thankful for, so much to be grateful for. God will indeed take care of me. Nothing is more assuring than that. I've got no other love anyway. Jesus is my first Love, and forever He will be.

26/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Yesterday was kinda of spoilt for me because I spent so much and other things happened too.

First time celebrate Christmas without my parents. When I went for the Christmas family lunch at my grandma's place and they prayed for my parents, I cried because I realise that Christmas really isnt Christmas without them.

Nothing much I can say about today. Came home really tired. Oh, had lots of presents! Haha... Handphone pouch, 2 pairs of earrings, keychain, tiny bag for cosmetics and a Tigger pen! Actually for the handphone pouch, I've been wanting to buy it since I saw it, and now I've got it for Christmas! I didnt even say anyth to anyone hahaha.

The speakers on my handphone are a little spoilt. Cant hear anyth. *SIGH* I dun wanna go get it repaired again. 3rd time since I got it. I really should've waited till the improved batch was out.

24/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

I want to go to escape. Ride every ride. Scream my lungs out.

24/12/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: tmr's svc

Doubt I'm coming tmr. No one to bring anw...although I really wanna bring my parents.

Sho. Gab, Cailing, Angela and Patricia came for today's svc. So happy. Svc was good, but yesterday's felt nicer, because watching everything a second time was kinda boring since I knew what was coming next. But Catherine said God's presence was stronger than yesterday. I've yet to be sensitive to that.

Went formal again. Lol. Shirt again. I realise that I have a lot of such shirts at home.

Angela went down for altar call!!! But Gab and Cailing commented on that in a rude way to Patricia. I got quite fed up, actually. But well I dont want to talk about that...

I like the feliz navidad song. Lol.

I cant wait for thanksgiving.

Ate at the carnival then went home. Saw my ex FCBC cell group in the train. =/ Kena shocked. Michelle, Jiayee, Mun Yee and of cos, their cgl Joanna, my ex-Physics teacher. It was, well, weird la but ok la....

I saw how the members treated Joanna. Like a friend. Made me think about how our members treated Catherine. Used to think that Catherine is a leader, a superior figure, and we muz always treat her with respect n reverance. I never thought of the possibility of her wanting to be one of us.

But well I duno. I dun really knw her tt well I realise...Juz that she come from a non-Christian family...dates Alvin...cant stand late-comers, ppl who dun respect right things...the normal cgl things of her. I duno her favourite food, her favourite place to be, hobbies, etc.

That has to change. I want to know more about her because she is my cgl.


I used to want free time to hang out at home. But now, as its only early evening, I've got nothing to do. Only, watch tv. Eat. Use computer. Watch tv again. So routine, so mundane. I need a hobby.

Tmr is Christmas. Going to have steamboat with Dehua, Mj and Zhiyang. I duno about the rest; gotta check with them later. First time spending Christmas with ppl other than my family.

Jiayee made me realise that church is my life. W271 is my family. So is W229 and E429. I spend the most time with them. I spend the most time in church. I think a lot about church and being with my cell. Work, is also for church, for the building fund. Thats why I'll never leave church. Its my identity.

Last time, I used to hate church. My parents had to drag me there. I'd refuse to wake up in the mornings, or lie that I had to study for a test or that I was going to another church. Wild horses couldnt make me go to church willingly. And now, lol, wild horses cant take me from church.

Wonderful how God works. I duno how He got me back to Him. Maybe its because I've an open mind towards God, just not to my parents.

I just wish. I could say the same for my sisters.

Whats salvation, when ur own family isnt there...

All in all, service was great. Today was great.

23/12/06

// feeling :: happy!

One thing that I regretted about riding the meteor...is that I lose my handphone keychains. 2 precious to me. One was from Xavior, the other was from Yisheng, a gift fresh that day. *knocks head* I regret! Although the ride was fun, I wouldnt have gotten on it or I would've kept the keychains properly if I knew that was gonna happen.

Went to eat, then home. Katong laksa so ex =/ but filling lar.

On the way home...made a wrong decision. Had to have Catherine teach me what to do. Like small girl. Argh I try so hard to be my age but I end up doing something wrong.

Am I trying too hard to be 18? Because I hate it when ppl mistake me for sec 3 or what. But hurrying will result in more mistakes, huh?

I want to faster grow up.

23/12/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: tmr's celebration

Ah excited. A Bethlehem Candlelight Celebration is finally here!

Its typical how people realise their blessings but choose to focus on what they dont have.

Catherine told us something yesterday night...Its so wonderful that I cant seem to forget it:

J - Jesus
O - Others
Y - Yourself

Nice, right? It means JOY comes about by putting Jesus first, then others, then yourself. I'll live by that from now. Doesnt seem like I have a choice anyway, because its stuck in my head. Lol.

Later meeting Yisheng at Tiong to help him buy Christmas presents. OHH! That reminds me to bring along my pay for building fund! *lucky I rmb-ed*

Bought like $40 worth of coupons. Yeesh. Duno whether can use finish not.

Spent last night thinking about them and why I feel so inferior. I mean I really needn't make myself feel that way due to obvious changes. But I also feel pressurized to do better. Ahhhh!

Alright alright. I need to get ready to go down.


GO, W271! AJA! Jiayou.

22/12/06

// feeling :: nostaglic
// prayer for ::


Don't feel like mentioning names tonight so whatever I type here and about who, I'll leave it to you to guess :D


Smth told me to go thru my chat logs with this particular someone. So I did. I reread smth that I told this person but I dun think he noticed it, so I'll say it again:

No matter if we fight or disagree, there will be no regrets about meeting you.


I think that person should be able to understand unless he has forgotten haha!


My sister turned into a night owl recently. And not really a quiet one. I woke up at 5am because she was talking on the phone and at night, everything seems particularly loud. So I slept on the couch.

She has her her, and I have my her too. Hahahaa. Looks like we sisters are preoccupied with our own things. Miss my parents.


Went to work this mornin. Then after work I chiong-ed home to get my other hse keys. Catherine said she wanted to meet there, and I didnt have the keys with me. Then change venue to SMU -.- but haha nvm la.

I was the first one to reach. Today in all, only 5 turned up: Wk, Mag, Alis, Ken and I. Catherine talked about tmr's Christmas celebration.


I duno why...I always feel like they're my superiors, and I always have to hide behind them and wait for them to finish speaking before I dare to. They're younger than me summore. *good grief* Mich, when will you step up?!


Go go...all the way.

21/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

My first paycheck. It all goes to God's hse.

God, remember us. Remember me. If You dont, I'd have lost all I earned. Help me to rise up to the next level, and to trust You to meet my needs. Bless the cg. Bless my financial situation.

This Christmas, show us Your miracle.

21/12/06

// feeling :: hopeless
// prayer for :: Sat celebration

I went to work again this morning. Found out that we sold like 88 pralines the day before in Yvonne's and my shift.

Lunch was yesterday's cup noodles =P I left it at the shop yesterday night.

Anyway I got my pay today. Didnt expect it. But when I saw how much I managed to earn in 20 days my heart sank.

My mood went downhill from there. Went to buy a chocolate cheese tart to cheer myself up. Walked out and there was a blackout in Giant.

On the way home it started pouring with rain.

I laughed to myself, wondering if the devil was mocking me or that heaven was sharing my burden.

I felt so hopeless on the way home. I was wondering what am I going to do.

I owe Dec tithe. Jan building fund? Either I need to get another parttime job or I get a fulltime job which may jeopardize my future svc days and cgm days.

So much for wanting to go shopping.

17 days to turning 18.

20/12/06

// feeling :: tired
// prayer for :: tmr's sales

So. I had the night shift today. Yvonne was there too. She was givin out flyers in the front of Giant.

Yisheng came to visit me today since he was in the vicinity. He saw that my dinner was cup noodles and he took that away and went to buy smth else for me lol. He got my fave green tea and ban mian.

Dinner was never so filling. :) thanks to Yisheng hahah.

Today's sales hit the roof. Total was $235.50. Muahaha. We were so happy today but I think more credit goes to Yvonne for her promoting. We sold a lot of chocolate I'm gonna have a blast restocking them tmr morning.

So tmr am working morning shift. Then...break until next week. Haha, Christmas coming :) cant wait.

20/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::


Was worrying about A&B the entire night. Couldn't sleep well.

Someone had dreamt of me last night, and he sms-ed me a verse that he thought would help me. Its harsh but also comforting.

9You hoped for rich harvest, but they were poor. And when you brought your harvest home, I blew it away. Why? Because my house lies in ruins, says the Lord of Heaven's Armies, while all of you are busy building your own fine houses. 10It's because of you that the heavens withhold the dew and the earth produces no crops. --Haggai 1:9-10

And another one, from 2 Corinthians 6:3-10, but its too long to type out. I liked 2 Corinthians 6:10b, which says "We own nothing, and yet we have everything."

At first I didn't have a clue on what Haggai was trying to say, then I prayed for understanding. I read and re-read it, and I understood. I havent started building God's house.

But actually to tell the truth, I have been awfully confused about the Bible and the sermons and everything. Some teachings are totally contradicting that I dont know what to believe and follow.

Stress is catching up to me. Feel like quitting my job last night because it feels like I'm getting nowhere even though I work so hard as many days as possible. But...11 more days to go to the end of Dec. I still got a few more chances to redeem myself. *yare yare God give me strength*

19/12/06

// feeling :: hopeless
// prayer for ::

A&B is the reason why I took up a job. But right now I'm really fretting over it.

I counted how much I earned so far. It can hardly cover the Jan pledge. I still need to use my own allowance and with tithe? I duno how I am going to survive. I thought that getting a job was gonna be more than enough and easy on me. I duno how I am going to get thru A&B....

Yare yare. Dun tell me its cup noodles for lunch again tmr.

19/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

There are a lot of things I want to do. Well, not really want to do. I feel I need to do them. I mean, in just a few days...I'm gonna be 18. Seems scary. I duno how an 18-yr-old should act.

19 more days...Before I turn into a young adult.

Going to those grooming sessions with Catherine made me realise that I'm not a little girl anymore. I realised that all along I've been acting like one =/

But thank God for City Harvest and W271. If not for them, I think now I'll still be acting like a 13-yr-old girl. I grew up in a place that didnt really promote dressing up and stuff like that. So I practically grew up as a boy.

But right now I'm really interested in behaving like a real 18-yr-old girl. I'm kinda sick of ppl mistaking me for a 15-year-old or some even 13-year-old -.- I want to grow up.


Seems silly, huh? When I get my pay . . . I will go shopping. Although after my tithe and building fund...duno got enough to even buy a shirt anot... But I am believing God...


I purposely took off today from work because Catherine said she wanted to meet us to teach us on how to react to altar call all that, like I mentioned in the previous entry. But...No call or sms. Zzz. But I guess I could've used the rest la. I cant wait for a day when everything seems to fall into place for me.


Gosh I'm awfully tired.

18/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Went for work today at 3pm. My uncle sent me there; it started raining after we left. Then he said smth that made my day.

When IMM came into view, the rain sunbsided greatly. Then he said this:

See, even God sayang you.

LOL! He's not even a Christian. N he said that. Lol...But yeah..God really sayangs me lol..

Duno why I'm so tired today..

My mom left for ET after I left for work. Zzz. Its gonna be weird without both my parents around. But my younger sister said this to me when I was complaining:

Its better we dont have her than let daddy spend Christmas alone.

It seems that both my sisters have more maturity when it comes to family. Gab was the first to accept my dad's leaving for ET. I gotta learn from them. Lol.

I'm off tmr. Catherine said she wanted to meet us to "train" us on how to be effective when it comes to altar calls during Christmas celebration.

I need to get a Christmas tree for my hse!! I need it for the Thanksgiving gathering. But I duno if we're havin it indoors or outdoors. She's thinking of watching a movie together. Lol. But I think it'd be a good idea.


Saw Matthew yesterday actually. He was walking into Expo while I was walking out of it. I was eating a chocolate pancake at that time, and when I saw him, I choked on it. He's grown fatter. So the rumours were true after all.

Heck. I dont want to talk about him. But thanks to CHC, I've forgiven him. Demo..*out of sight, out of mind*


Today is . . . AARON'S BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday,
AARON!

17/12/06

// feeling :: good
// prayer for :: Christmas weekend

After awhile I went back with Zy while the rest went to eat. So tired.


Dunno if there's work for me tmr. Gotta wait to see. Mmm. Hope dun have though, or its at 4pm. Really wanna sleep since I didnt sleep last night.

Zzzzzzz.


OH, OH! TODAY IS . . . *drumroll*

My 6th month anniversary of my re-dedication with Christ!

16/12/06

// feeling :: great!
// prayer for :: Catherine's graduation tmr!

Like I said in the previous entry, svc will always end up good. This week was no exception; in fact, svc was FANTASTIC!

I loved the ending part of the svc! When we sang worship songs and praise songs at the end of the sermon. I especially loved the last praise song. The Ain't No Giant one. Lol I love that song. Maggie, Ziyang, Jia Cheng and I were having so much fun! We did the actions, we jumped up and down, we sang our hearts out. I never felt so happy in svc before.


Today I said a sentence I hoped to God I never would have to say: "the person that brought me here is no longer here".

I heard the cg members say it many times. Those who'd brought them left. I wished to God that it wouldn't happen to me; that Belle would never leave W271. But it happened. Most heartbreaking sentence said this week, or maybe this month.


Anyway...Since Jia Cheng, Leon and Ziyang joined our cell, they kinda brought a new life to it. Jia Cheng alone moved me so much. He cried when Catherine prayed for him, he lifted his hands in worship for the first time today, he prayed in tongues, he wanted to know more and more about the church and God.

I mean, wow...

I can see him becoming someone who will rise up and grow rapidly someday.


Tmr is CATHERINE'S GRADUATION!

I'm really looking forward to it! I'm rushing through this entry so I can get started on the poster for her. The sisters who are going will be meeting at 7:30am to queue up and make sure we get the floor seats!

Alvin gave me so many ideas on what to do to bless her. Like present her flowers or a teddy bear and stuff like that. I really liked the idea of getting her flowers, but by the time BS ended and I got to Tiong, the shops were alr closed.

I think we'll all start crying when she throws up her mortar board. Even if the rest dont, I think I will.


OH..I just realised...TMR IS THE 17TH! MY 6TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY WITH GOD!

So zhun :) Wow, this makes the day more special than it alr is. hahaha!

15/12/06

// feeling :: good
// prayer for :: svc tmr

I had fun today. Can't believe tmr's svc. It seems as though the week's not coming to a close yet, and it had just begun.


Went for the last session of Xmas Royale. Turnout was better than yesterday. I didnt see the difference but Catherine said the performance was loads better.


During the debrief, she said that during Christmas, she would definitely get her whole family down to celebrate it with her, even though they weren't Christians. I got reminded of the fact that my parents wont be with me this Christmas, and its kinda weird because they always spent it with us.

Then I thought of my sisters. Danielle isn't keen on CHC, and Gab . . . she suddenly turned cold towards church and God.

Like Catherine said, so what if we have all our friends with us for Christmas. If we dont even have our own family, whats the real meaning of Christmas?


Mmm. Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to Christmas with the cg. I'll keep trying to get Gab down. But I am getting discouraged. haha! JUST KIDDING!

Devil may try to take me down, but he wont succeed! I have the support and guidance of my Lord.


Sydney Mohede is coming tmr. He's kinda a rocker. I'm not sure if I like his songs though =/ like Solid Rock. And other songs. Haha but anyway, God's presence will be there! So everything will be fine. Hahaha. Its still svc anyway. I'll love it all the same.

15/12/06

// feeling :: great!
// prayer for :: tmr's christmas royale

Ah! I feel great! So much clearer, so much less confused!

Lets start with the morning...I went to work...I left at around 3:15pm for the Christmas Royale 006.

Thank GOD for IMM shuttle bus to Boon Lay station.

In the bus...there was this guy sitting in front of me. He looked A LOT like Matthew. I couldnt see his face properly because I was seated directly behind him. But his hairstyle...fingers...side-view..looked exactly like him. When we reached the station, I tried to reach him, but I couldnt catch up and he was walking in a direction opposite of mine, so I just left it.

I wonder what would happen if it really was him and he noticed me.

Anyway I reached the cafe...and soon Christmas Royale 006 started.

Catherine was host! She was dressed up as Agent Violet from Casino Royale 007, although I duno who's that. I only know Agent Bond lol. She took off her hat and wig when it was over, so I couldnt get a picture taken of her lol. But I'll try again tomorrow.

First was game. LOL. Using poker cards. With the card we were given, we were supposed to find 2 other ppl with the consecutive numbers and same suit as us, like 2 of spades, 3 of spades and 4 of spades.

Ml, Chester and I were the second to reach the front. LOL. Those with no partners had to play a game..like charrades. Super funny.

Then had mini rock concert. haha. First song was "Have A Nice Day" by Bon Jovi..Then was "Take It All" by Hillsongs? I'm unsure of the artist.

After that was drama! So touching...About father and son. Also related to Casino Royale. Weikeong acted in it! LOL. Was hilarious.

Then...Yujie sang the song Christmas Shoes. By Alabama. I have the song but I dont really listen to it..Its so nice. So touching. About a son who loves his dying mother. Ml was crying buckets when she heard it. I was having a hard time keeping my tears in as well.

Overall I loved the show. Xinni's sister responded to altar call~!

Ah..After that we went for fellowship in the cafe. We stayed there for goodness knows how long. Refreshments was fruit cocktail. Lol there were cut up fruits in sprite. HAHA. I only liked the fruits and Jia Cheng liked the sprite so we let each other eat/drink what we like by giving our share to each other. We ate so much! I kept going to get more and more cocktail LOL.

Then..We went to KFC to eat and wait for Catherine to come to give us debrief. We talk like crazy over stupid things.

Catherine debriefed us...I was really distracted because I kept thinking about KdC and my decision to pull out. She realised it and asked to talk to me after the debrief ended.

I told her stuff I never thought I'd say this soon. I only intended to use that time to tell her about my decision to leave KdC and to ask for her opinion of it. But it kinda drifted into my muchly-suppressed ambition.

To my surprise, she was the first person I told it to without fear of being doubted, laughed at or scorned at. In fact, she wow-ed when I said it out, and she felt that it was a great vision and ambition.

She talked to me about KdC first, then about the cgl thing. She said that my concerns were valid enough, because I'm just a babe Christian, just 5 months old (my 6th month anni is coming in 2 days!)

Every sentence she said impacted me. There were things I want to tell her but I dont dare to, but I felt she knew what was on my mind. I felt like crying. I knew what I wanted to do. I found out my passion in life for Christ. I can be bold enough to say I've found my calling.

I'll have to continue praying to confirm it. I wont say it out yet. When I reach my goal...I will proudly say to all those who doubted me once, and those who have supported me.

I am lucky to get an idea of my future in church so fast. Catherine only got hers a few days ago. But of course there will be more to my life than that. I cant wait! For how God will transform me!

Gonna help in refreshments tmr before Xmas Royale. I cant wait for Xmas Royale 006!

12/12/06

// feeling :: tired
// prayer for :: tmr KdC

Today work full day =/ I totally forgot about prayer meeting! Luckily Dj called me which led to me calling Michael which led to him reminding me about PM. I tried to call Kris to try to get off work early but couldnt...She didnt have anyone to relief me.

Ahhh! I felt so horrible. First time missing Prayer meeting! I was hoping there wont be a first time for that.

Today wasnt as tiring as expected. Sales did better than expected too. I was struggling to meet the sales target, and at the end of the day, sales went above it. My cup runneth over :) hallelujah praise the Lord!

Just now, a little girl and her family came to buy from me.

AND SHE CALLED ME 'AUNTIE'.

I guess there's a first time for everything. I didnt realise that my first time being called 'auntie' was at such a young age :(

My mom, grandma and sisters gave me a surprise today by coming by my shop. Pleasant surprise. My mom bought strawberry Kuih Bahulu for me! Then after I cleared up, we went to walk ard. And we saw this white bag, small one. And she bought for me also. So xin fu.

I would post up the picture of the bag, but my phone cant seem to connect to the computer.

My mom told me today...something I've never known my whole life as a Christian. Jesus' birthday wasnt on the 25th of Dec. Its ard August. Christmas is a pagan holiday, and it was established by the church only because it glorifies Jesus and His birth.

=/

Feel like my feelings were cheated for 17 yrs. I wish Jesus Happy Birthday on the wrong day.

Mmm. K I gotta sleep alr. Tmr working full day again. This week Christmas celebration also. So tired alr and its only Tuesday.

11/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

God's opinion of us is better than our opinion of ourselves.

11/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

No idea how I feel, no idea what to pray for.

Today, sales was slow, although at the end, I managed to get a good start on the target. I was thinking whether that was the cause of business being slow.

Mm. There was this shop next to mine that sold delicious tarts. I had the chocolate cheese one. Super nice. I had discount too since I knew the sales guy.

I bought strawberry kuih bahulu from the shop across mine. Whoa very nice. I was waiting for 2 days to be able to eat those, since they didnt make it yesterday.


Mom is going to East Timor to be with my dad for Christmas. SIGH. Now both parents wont be here. Wont be much of a Christmas this year.

May be going to Australia to study. Danielle is going in 2 years time after her Secondary edu. Grandma wants Gab and I to go too, to study tgt and take care of each other. I've been thinking about it, and I dont mind going. 2 yrs more...After my poly I go..

There are some things I cant bear to leave here in Singapore but life in a foreign country may be refreshing. I'll be able to get a better job after studying there anyway. Duno lah...


Gotta work tmr again.

10/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Changed my blogskin because I received feedback that my previous blog was hard to read due to the font colour and background. I hope this is better.

Majesty by Planetshakers. One of my personal favourites :) I'm lucky to have found this.

My new craze song is He Reigns by Newsboys. I love it. Thanks to Michael who sent it to me.

Oh yes, forgot to mention, just now, who should be my customer but Mr Tony Low! My ex-vice-principal. He left my sch some time ago, so when he came with his family earlier, I was wondering who he was because he looked familiar.

He remembered me too, because he was also trying to remember who I was. For the bad thing though -_- I was sent to his office cuz I failed Sec3E and he had to help me buck up in my studies.

Haha...Anyway hope you like my new blogskin.

10/12/06

// feeling :: confused
// prayer for :: tmr's work !

I wanted to keep myself busy in order to be "doing something productive instead of playing computer games and msn-ing". So I lined myself up with loads of work days. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday work from 10-4; Wednesday work from 10am-10pm.

I totally forgot about Xmas Royale 006. Geez. Thursday . . . I duno how sia. I'll be at Jurong east somemore. I'm afraid to think of how long it'll take to go from there to Expo.

Maybe I will change my work day. But...I'm not sure if it is possible.

Anyway today's sales was good. We almost reached $200 when the target was $100. Super tired though. Hardly had time to sit down, let alone eat.

Gab and Cai came. Gab blessed us with about $10 of business. She also bought lunch for me (at my request lol).

Going through a tough time right now. At Christmas too. I'm trying hard not to allow myself to sink into a state where I'll give myself, the cg and Catherine trouble. I need guidance LORD!


Things I'm gonna do after I get my pay:

1. Buy new guitar strings
2. Pay building fund
3. Pay Dec/Jan tithe
4. Buy shoe for Gab
5. Buy BIBLE

With my allowance, I'll get about $700 with my working hours. I'm gonna be tired out next week with work, Xmas, svc and all. I pray God give me strength.

Hardly thought about him today, which I guess is good. Although there was this customer who had a same hairdo as him so I got reminded of him for awhile. Haha ....

I was browsing thru YouTube and I came across Jesus videos. Part of Passion of Christ. He could've said no to dying for us. But He did anyway.

THANK YOU LORD JESUS.

10/12/06

// feeling :: fine
// prayer for :: cgm!

I love cgms. No matter how they are held.

Anyway, I havent been updating...thanks to my modem which went haywire for awhile. I fiddled with it this morning and got it fixed.

Yeah so, Friday...We had the card-making session! But first, I had to go to work. I was so excited and couldnt wait for the session. Then got an sms from Alvin, saying that I need to go down with him and Mj to get the materials needed for it.

I got off work and rushed down to City Hall. Then after that we walked to Bras Basar. Went to Popular and we split up to look for all the materials: drawing block, coloured paper, penknives, double-sided tape, markers.

We were debating on what to get; cost was very sensitive here because we hadda use our own money first. Then we left, and Alis remembered that there was ArtFriend there too. Aiyo say earlier lah. Hahahaha.

Alvin n I walked in one section while Mj and Alis walked the other side, still brainstorming about the card design. Then we saw the markers sold there. They were...cheaper. Aaaaaaaaaaah. Wasted.

Hahaha. Bought other stuff. Cant remember what. In total everything we bought that day cost us $34. Alvin paid the most la I didnt carry that much money then.

Managed to persuade Gab to come last min! Yeah! She was a real asset to the team! I'll say why later.

We went to SMU and yup, Gab and I just sat in the corner and tried to come up with a standard design. We managed to do a pop-up christmas tree like Alvin suggested after many tries. So one group was cutting out the cards, another group was pasting the borders, another was cutting out the Christmas trees, another group was colouring them..

It was so much fun. Gab was the best la, she found out how to do the tree, drew snowmen on the front cover yadda yadda. I duno what I'd do without her man seriously.

It lasted until 10, when we all had to leave SMU.


On Saturday..We had to continue. At first Gab didnt want to come down to help, but in the end she did, bless her soul. Oh oh, I went to collect my guitar before going to Expo. I got it back, finally! But one of the strings snapped -.- and I have to change them.

Been searching the net for methods in changing string. Jonathan if u are reading this and you know how to change string, PLS TEACH ME! Lol I dun wanna do it all wrong.

Yeah so we went to a secluded place with carpet and tried to finish up the cards. In the end, we produced about 150 cards? Way beyond the target of 1000 cards. I wonder whats gonna happen now. We needa OT liao haha! But I dun mind. Its really fun.

The shoes I wore were literally murdering my feet. I had to ask ppl for plaster, and thank GOD Gab had some. She really is a blessing, ya?

Then went for svc le! Muahahaha. I was sitting amidst W229 ppl cuz I was late lol. Catherine n I were trying to persuade Gab to go for svc. Catherine didnt want to give up. She kept persisting... I admired her confidence. But when I talked to Gab...I didnt need to persuade her..I saw her eyes and I knew she wanted nth to do with svc that day. So I let her leave.

Catherine said..carry on believing. I want to, you know. One day I want to go down with her for altar call, to see her become a REAL CHRISTIAN. Who does QT. Who comes faithfully for svc. Who receives breakthrough and revelation. Who really loves God with all her heart. Yeah. That is my dream for her.

I went into the hall, and the first thing Newsboys said after two songs was this:

It doesnt matter if you do all the horrible things in the world. There's only one thing that God hates the most, and its being separated from you.

Those words pierced my heart. You may not understand, but I regretted. I regretted so much that Gab wasnt there next to me.


I just received a phone call. One friend of mine backslided. He personally told me. Gab and him....I thought I did great, by bringing them back into the house of the Lord. There's nth more heartbreaking than seeing your friends and family fall from God.

But I wont let this discourage me.


Everyone in the Cg thinks that my spiritual life is smooth and easy. You know, because I'm the 2nd youngest spiritually. They say they envy me, that I climb to the top fast. Cheh. My spiritual walk is anything but easy.

I get attacks all the time. A&B is here. I had to give half my allowance to the BF to fulfill my monthly pledge. I struggle with the rest of my allowance very much. I had to pay for things like cg outreaches, events like the card-making yadda yadda. I would give generously, if I had the money.

I would always go to work knowing that I cant have lunch or dinner because I dont have enough on me. Sometimes hunger almost drives me to curse at God, saying He took away my money and not fulfilling His promise of providing for me. But I didnt. I ren! Lol. Just last night, I had to borrow money from my mom to buy dinner. I had instant noodles, and still, I had to buy the cheapest one. It was hard, but in the end, I still praised God. At least I had dinner to eat.

There's no "Secret" in leading a good spiritual life. The only thing you need is to be positive, and to focus on our blessings.

But its weird. Its natual and human nature for us to take things for granted. Like me for example. When I dont have money on me, I would yearn to buy this and that. But when I have money, all my temptations are gone.

Thats how the Devil is weird. But also smart. He tempts us when we're with nothing, but leaves us alone when we got something, so we dont realise what we have, and think about the things we dont have.

But God is good. Yesterday night, Marie was giving BS: Getting Started. She shared with us a story:

There was this guy who went to Heaven, and Jesus was giving him a tour around. Then this guy saw this wonderfully building, built so fine with the best materials there is. He asked Jesus whats in it, but Jesus said its nothing, and urged him to continue with the tour.

But the man persisted, saying he wanted to go in. Finally Jesus gave in, and led the man inside. Inside was beautiful things, filling up the whole building. The man asked Jesus, "wow! What is all this?"

Jesus replied, "these are the things I have been planning to give you, but you didnt ask for them."

When I heard that story, it got me thinking. Catherine also told me that I have to give my BF and everything with an expectancy. She said there was no point giving without a goal in mind.


But anyway...I try to be happy-go-lucky. Because out of personal experiences, God told me that no matter how bad situations are, He will somehow turn them into good ones, and He will make it work to benefit us...So dont glorify the devil, glorify God instead.

7/12/06

// feeling :: great!
// prayer for :: tmr's session

Today was a good day. Went for KdC in the morning first, which was from 11am to about 2pm. Haha lesson 7 alr. I missed a lot..I think like, 4 lessons? I duno when those where held though..

After that I went home..Played JX2 awhile before heading over to Dover. LOLZ I was late so Dehua and Mj were outside my hse waiting for me. He needed to go toilet =x oops.

On e way to Dover..My uncle told me that there was an earthquake in East Timor. I was so scared...I sms-ed my dad but he didnt reply. Its those scared until can cry. I kept imagining things, like how my mom would tell us, and how I'd react, whether I'll run out of the house or what.

It was freakish la...When I opened the door to the hse, I went into the room to pray. So afraid smth would befall him but at the same time I felt the reassurance from the Holy Spirit that he was well protected.

After awhile I tried not to think about it; I felt I was being too paranoid.

So...Today Dehua and Leon came..Surprise surprise...Lol. E429 and W229 also came haha! So re nao.

Yup and we started with games. Its the cat and mouse one. You know, wear the watch. One watch is cat the other is mouse. For the cat, wear once can alr, but for the mouse, need to wear twice then pass on. Cannot let the cat catch the mouse (on the same person).

Lol quite fun la the most fun was watching people freak out and panic whenever the cat got too close to the mouse.

Yup then was praise and worship. WONDERFUL! I never was so focused before :) personal breakthrough? haha...Yup I loved all the songs..How Awesome Is This Place, Worthy Is The Lamb, Fires Of Revival. All so nice!

And the sermon..it was about the "rod" that God gave us to use. Like Shamgar and the ox goad. It was good. Alvin was preaching. Then we prayed for...the working ppl and the schooling ppl. Yeah it was good.

Then . . . fellowship! hahahah. Ken made noodles for us :P although I didnt get to eat it..only a bit from Alissa's plate. We didnt expect Alvin's cgs to be coming too.

Michael put the noodles into the microwave to heat it up, and guess wad. Power trip -.-

I kena scared. HENG DEHUA BESIDE ME. If there's anyth I'm afraid of, its snakes and the dark. You'll never catch me falling asleep in complete darkness unless I was forced. Thats why poor Gab have to wait until I've dozed off before she'll switch off the lights.

LOL we were all using our hp lights to see our way ard and we found it amusing =/ except for me. Catherine's light was the brightest. Lol. She had torch on her hp. Then they started looking for the power panel. Cannot find and I didnt know where it was -.- I dun live there lah.

Then I called my dad. LOL. In East Timor (he sent me an sms during cgm to say he was fine, THANK GOD). I was shouting "here here!" and literally everyone came crowding around me lolz about 15 ppl. Then my dad told me its on the left, so I said "left left!" and everyone moved to the left. LOLZ OMG SO FUNNY. Everyone was moving together in one bunch. HAHA.

Then Alvin switched the power back on. haha. SO PAISEH CAN. Sorry to all who were stuck in the darkness!

Haha...Then we finished the food n packed up..Soon, there were only Carlos, Ken, Michael, Aaron, Alvin, Catherine and I left. Lol Aaron do the pamphlet using Adobe Photoshop so nice!

Yup then Michael sent us all to the station in his suv. Lol..Moving fellowship.

Today's cgm really ran late. I had no idea about the time until Catherine told me to call home. AND I GOT WORK TMR. I totally forgot. I'm so exhausted!...

Sigh I want....to sleep...

Tmr..got event also. at 630 at SMU. Hah..we're making Christmas cards for JAMs church! hahaha. With Alvin's cg too :P Lucky!

So tomorrow...Work from 10am to 4pm...then go home shower..then go to SMU at 630.. Then Saturday...church. Sunday...maybe svc in the morning then work from 4pm to 10pm..TIRED.

Geez I'm really very tired. But today...God's day :) I have many "Sabbaths" already. haha.. I dun mind. All for God!

Today..I learnt a new worship song. And I love it.

7/12/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Tmr got KdC. 11-3. There goes my morning. But I am definitely going la, being at KdC is better than being anywhere else. At least my mind is on smth better than JX2. Plus....I get to see someone and Someone.

KdC....I wish it was like BS aft svc..At least that one..Step by step, one by one..Dun wanna jump here jump there and in the end miss here miss there...And dun get anyth out of it cuz I dun understand...

Today work again. Today 1-10pm. TIRED LAH.

Spent a lot sia...$12..Ate sushi, burger, chocolate from e shop, hot chocolate...zzz. Eat like crazy. Now...No money liao.. The rest devoted to FT1 book..

Sales was a bit better today: $82.10. Not too bad. We reached the target of $60 per day. But in the end after excluding the floating money, we discovered we were $2 short from the receipt of the total sales...We counted n recounted the floating money and the sales money dozens of times, in hope tt one of us counted wrong....

In the end I gotta fork out $2 to tally the sales...

Hah mom loves my bag...


Love doesnt come with just willingness, it also comes with time and commitment. I've too much on my hands. Dont wanna bite off more than I can chew. There's no guarantee about the future anyways.

Lets not jump into smth that we may not be able to handle...its not thinking that we can do it...its whether we want to or not...whether we can or not...whether we should or not...

5/12/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: KdC

When I woke up today, read an sms sayin that I needn't work today, so there was a whole free day ahead of me. My first thought was: What am I gonna do??

I was playing ard with my com. It felt nice having the day to myself. Usually I would be rushing here and there for work or church stuff like prayer meetings, svcs, zone meeting, KdC and/or cgm. So yeah, today was a pleasant change.

I spent the day online, and stumbled upon the game JX2. Heh heh so I think you know how I filled up my empty hours. Played it like crazy. Its fun but I hope I dont get addicted to it. With my mentality, games can take over anything and everything pretty quickly, including church so I gotta be careful.

Suddenly Alvin called me...Said there was a zone meeting at 7:30pm..So I called up all the mbrs and left for the YMCA building at Dhoby Ghaut..I saw it as a chance to see somebody, another Somebody and to use my bag! Mua-ha-ha.

Hehe so today Pst talked about his trip to Taiwan and how it was. Its amazing how countries like that can be experiencing revival better than ours. Not that I'm looking down on them, but our country is much more developed than theirs, and we're more fortunate. So if they can have revival, we can too!

Hah...

We were all encouraged by the sharing. After that we prayed, about our personal lives; breakthroughs, areas of improvement, change of self-image...

The one thing I like about his teaching today was the part on self-image. He said that, if we do not have a self-image, we can never become leaders. He didnt say we may not, but he said never. Used to think that high self-esteem and good self-image was too near to being proud, so I kinda steered clear of having a "too" good self-image. Seems silly now, huh?

After that, Catherine briefed us and we left for home.

Ah tired!!

Found out that I'll be sleeping alone tonight. I called Gab to see whether she was going home yet so she could buy smth for me for supper. She sms-ed me sayin she was staying over with Cai. Sian. Well it will help me to get used to life without her, but it feels weird la.

I try to be more female! If you know me when I first got into chc, you'd see a big change now. I'm donning nice earrings, nice necklaces, heels, yadda yadda. But ah I feel awkward. I mean yeah I have been changing my image slowly. But I guess its too fast la cuz I'm not used to it =/

I do hope I look more like a girl now! I'm getting blisters all over my feet because I hadnt time to get my own shoes...those I wear are my mom's. My wardrobe is nowhere like a girl's. You'll be surprised on how many things I borrow from my younger sister and my mom :) A sign to go SHOPPIIING!

I'm always interested to know how I've changed :D and of course, whether its good or not. But oh well, I'm Daddy's little girl so I must dress and behave more like His, right? Yeah!

One downer..One VERY HUGE downer. Tmr I cant go for KdC meeting! *sighs* It starts at 2pm and after the zone meeting today, Kris msg-ed me, telling me to come in before 2pm rather than at 4pm. I really dont want to send Catherine the sms saying I cant go tmr...Really dun wanna miss that meeting.. But no choice la...A&B is the reason why I'm working anyway. Is God testing me on this?

Ah. All negatives aside. Today was a fantastic day.


Oh yesh! Today is . . . XAVIOR'S BIRTHDAY!!

Happy Birthday,

Xavior!

(Ignore the bow and the flowers)

12/4/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

The feeling of lonliness has come back abruptly. Well, not really "come back" I guess I have been oppressing it for a long time.

Other signs are coming my way too. God's way of telling me to focus on what I have, and what I dont have?

I'd rather focus on the assuring future He's prepared for me.

4/12/06

// feeling :: tired
// prayer for :: tmr's work

Ah...Met up with Ml, Mj, Ken, Mag and Catherine in the afternoon...Went to a Macdonalds opp Raffles City. At first she let Ml and I talk about how we have changed since we came to chc. Then aft that she talked about the mbrs and the cg and the church.


Now I know why we should follow the vision of Catherine:

God's Visions --becomes--> Pst Kong's Vision --becomes--> Pst CK's Vision --becomes--> Catherine's Vision --becomes--> cg mbrs vision.

Basically,
God's vision --ultimately becomes--> my vision


Of course, it depends if the members want to follow Catherine's vision, which is a whole different story altogether.


After that, I went home to get my I/C for work. I cant forget to bring it a second time =/ Chiong-ed home, waited for my unc to come and he drove me there. Fortunately, I wasnt late. I went to join another girl workin there, name's also Michelle Tan. LOL. But chinese name different haha!

Yeah anw at 6pm, Kris came and took over that Michelle's shift. Lets call her HJ for short la to eliminate all the confusion. Those're the initials for her chinese name.

Anw we cleared up at 9pm. Lol. Tedious! Was on my feet half the way. Exhausted.

After that I went to get back my I/C from the counter and then we went to this shop...Forgot the name. Kris wanted to buy some baking utensils hah she's crazy over baking. It was alr closing so they didnt let anyone else in.

We went downstairs for ice cream at Macs, assuming that the bag shop that I reserved my bag at was alr closed. But thank God it wasnt! I could get my bag and it was cheaper than I expected! Haha. Aft that Kris treated me to ice cream.

Hehe sent her home in my unc's car then came back. I LOVE MY BAG. (I hope I dun sound like a bimbo) Its time for me to change into a girl. As you can see, I am trying very hard. Zzz. I'd put up a picture of it but I dont have my camera phone right now.

Cant wait to get my pay, give my building fund pledge for Jan, and SHOP! I'm dying to shop. Ever since I stepped back into Orchard last week :D


P.S. Chili sauce doesnt go with fried rice.

3/12/06

// feeling :: starved
// prayer for :: tmr's meeting

Ah, it feels so good coming online and blogging! I havent been online or in my blog for about 3 days and I alr feel uneasy.


Friday

In the end, God worked His miracle for me. I needn't stay at work until 10pm. I worked it out with Kristal and ended ard 4pm. So, after that we went to walk ard abit because I was looking for a nice bag. In the end I found it! Super nice. Haha! And its white :D

Mag called me and asked if I could book the bbq pit at East Coast. I had a shock. I was at IMM in Jurong East and I had to go down straight away to ECP.

But I still went la, but stopped off at Tiong to meet Gab and pass her some herbal tea and a few mini cakes that Kristal bought for her. She also passed me the spare battery for my phone.

I chiong-ed there and got off at Pasir Ris MRT to take a cab. SHEESH it cost $12.70! I had exactly $13 in my wallet, so I duno whether to praise God or to cry. But I guess, praise GOD! At least I didnt need to call someone to pay for me (so paiseh).

I had called Michael on the train and so he booked the pit for me to save time. In the train, Brother Alvin called me and told me to prepare a tesimony for the cgs and their friends. *scared!!

I was so confused because I never gave tesimony before, and in front of so many ppl! I had to discuss it with Alvin 2 times before it was ok. When he reached the pit, I went over it with him, made some changes. And when Catherine came, I went over it another time with her, and made some more changes.

Then . . . bad news! We had to shift to another pit. Apparently we hadnt booked the pit officially haha. So malu. Shifted from pit 27 to pit 22. Michael, YH, Ken and I were the only ones shifting cuz the others were playing a game.

Then, had to shift AGAIN! This time to pit 20. And there we stayed, thank GOD.

Had a fantastic time! We ate and I gave my testimony, which Ken said was good! I was so nervous. Alvin also said I did a good job, and on the next day, he told Gab that my testimony was what convinced the friends there to go for svc! Wow! Praise GOD!

I stayed until 11 plus before deciding to go home. In the end, took a taxi, which my beloved sister sponsored. Hah. I'm so blessed... :)


Saturday

Went for svc with Gab. Hah. It was good. She actually lifted up her hands in worship and jumped in praise! Hallelujah!

The only bad thing about Saturday was that BS was cancelled :(

I went home in a teeny weeny bit of a bad mood. Haha I wont expose the reason why here. Lets just say...when something gets so routine, and when it suddenly doesnt happen, it feels weird.


Sunday

Ah! Went for prayer meeting. Hehe. When I woke up, I was having a battle of my spirit vs my flesh. I was tired and I didnt want to go. But, proud to say, my spirit won! hahahahaa.

But I was late la. Hmm, Catherine told us that she wanted at least 9 members for PM. But, sad to say, only 4 came. I duno what happened to the rest. All suddenly went MIA! Cant contact a single one cept for Wk and Mag. I cant help but think my phone got prob.

Sheesh I dropped my Sony K800i when I was ready to leave the house. It spoilt after that, so I had to change to another phone. The phone keep spoiling. 2nd time, with almost the same problem: unable to switch it on.

But at least it wasnt as bad as Catherine's; I still have my SIM card. So, praise GOD for that.

Mm. Mom got me a new bed. Its lower than usual. With the position of my old bed, everyone would stub their toes or bruise their shins 99% of the time whenever they walked by. Its a hindrance to health. I'm an expert avoiding the painful ends so its only my other family members that are irritated.

Now, its fine la, but I'm not used to it hahaz. Wanted to get a sofa bed so I have more room. But...Mom said no, because its bad for the back. Oh well.

And water bap is next week!!! I want to go! But I cant...My dad's not in Singapore so I have to wait. And if the week he's back and the water bap days are not together, I have to wait a whole year :(

Kk I think this is enough la haha so long. I'm going off the eat. Tah.